Many years, many lifetimes.... full circle

I've become impossible
holding on to when
when everything seemed to matter more
the two of us
all used and beaten up
watching fate as it flows down the path we
have chose

Nine Inch Nails - "We're in this together now"

It is kind of funny where life takes you, and kind of funny how everything circles back on itself eventually. I have been, for the last several years, living in a world I never could have imagined myself living in. It has been interesting, and painful, and wonderful, and fulfilling and yet strangely abstract and lacking in the most important of my traits, creativity.

I am good at my job, and mostly I enjoy it, but it is devoid of spiritual / creative satisfaction. I am not really sure how this happened. How did I become a bureaucrat? And better yet, how did I become good at it? 

I have been living in Ottawa for 6 years now... a blink of an eye and it has passed - with stretches that felt so incredibly long they might never end... and yet, here it is 2013 - 11 years since I began my reinvention as a human being.

I don't really recall many conscious decisions that lead me to today, but I am sure that I must have made them, for here I am. but there is a hole in the centre of my being... and I am unsure of how to fix it.