I am not one for wanting to know what the future brings, even though I do like to plan ahead. I am pretty good at taking life as it comes and managing on a day to day basis. But right now, I would give anything for just a peek at the next few months... say, as far forward as September. If it were September, I would know which school I am attending, I would know what apartment I am living in, I will know what province I am in, and I will know if I am really cut out for this grad school thing after all. (I would also know the results of the NFL draft, and know whether my Jets have even half a shot this year :p)
All Existence is suffering,
suffering is caused by craving,
cravings can be ended
by following the Eight Fold Path
That is the four noble truths of Buddhism, a belief system I am becoming more and more intrigued with. It certainly sums up some of my current situation... I am craving knowledge of what has not yet happened. It is making me nervous, anxious, angry, tired and frustrated. More so, in following Buddhist doctrine, my cravings have to do with the belief that I have a permanent self, which, according to Buddhism, I do not have, but because I think I do, I suffer. The me that is now will not be the same me that is then...
The magical Eightfold path can be found here
If I abide by all of these, then I can end my suffering... do you suppose that is really true? I guess my illusion is that I already live by those things. Perhaps Ineed to live by the precepts as well? But I would make a lousy monk, I like sex too much...
Ultimately, I don't really believe in reincarnation either. I believe we have this one shot to get it right... what I don't understand is why, through every attempt, there is only more challenges, more adversity, more disfunction? Why can't things just be.... righ, for once? To have everything functioning in harmony with everything else in my life... I htought I had it once, but it slipped from my grasp and I was left with a heavy heart and an empty home... I grow weary of character building experiences and all I really want is to settle into a regular paying gig where I can clear up my debts, be able to come home to a happy and safe household, curl up next to the one I love and eventually drift into peaceful slumber.
Are those cravings so very wrong?
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Anger Management
I don't know that I have ever been so angry. The apartment building we live has presented several "unique" challenges to our being able to live "peaceably," and when the fire alarm went off, not one night, but two nights ina row at the charming hour of 3:00am, it was the last straw in being able to live peaceably. SO, we gave our notice, a full month and a half. However, the property management company is refusing to admit that the list of problems are enough to envoke the "living peacably" clause in both the landlord tenants act and the rental agreement with the rental company. The customer service agent gave me the number of the leasing supervisor, and I have been dilligently calling him for over two hours now and he is not returning my calls. This afternoon, we are supposed to sign a lease on the new property, and we cannot get any response from this man. The rental company is insistant that we pay rent for the month of April. (Our lease was to expire in April anyway) I htink I am being more htan fare by agreeing to pay rent in two locations for the month of March. The list of complaints ranges from vandalism and graffitti in the hallways, to the constant smell of drugs throughout the building, to finding human feces all throughout the stairway and all over the handrails, to someone breaking into the laundry room and trashing the washing machines with a crowbar or a hammer or some such... and it goes on really.
To their credit, they have been swift to respond to each individual crisis, but they are not able to find a way for these incidents to stop. It is supposed to be a security building, but it apparently matters not that these things keep happening. The other tenants in the building make this an unsafe place to live, where we can no longer live "peaceably." It is not like we are trying to skip out on the place. We are trying to be above board about it, give them as much notice as is possible to give, and yet, that is not good enough. They are going to make us jump through the hoops, ring the bells and whistles, etc. Well, if they think I will rolll over on this and not take action, they are sadly mistaken. There will be letters to the editors to each newspaper, in particular the student newspaper, being as students are a large number fo their tenants. There will be letters sent to NTV, CBC, VOCM and any other news agency I can think of. There will be a letter written to the Residential Affairs division, and lastly, when they try to keep my security deposit, I will attend a hearing to make sure that I receive the 450 dollars in security deposit that I have paid.
But the gentleman is still not returning my calls. I get his voice machine. So I phone it every fifteen minutes or so, and will continue to do so until I get confirmation one way or the other as to how this is going to procede.
To their credit, they have been swift to respond to each individual crisis, but they are not able to find a way for these incidents to stop. It is supposed to be a security building, but it apparently matters not that these things keep happening. The other tenants in the building make this an unsafe place to live, where we can no longer live "peaceably." It is not like we are trying to skip out on the place. We are trying to be above board about it, give them as much notice as is possible to give, and yet, that is not good enough. They are going to make us jump through the hoops, ring the bells and whistles, etc. Well, if they think I will rolll over on this and not take action, they are sadly mistaken. There will be letters to the editors to each newspaper, in particular the student newspaper, being as students are a large number fo their tenants. There will be letters sent to NTV, CBC, VOCM and any other news agency I can think of. There will be a letter written to the Residential Affairs division, and lastly, when they try to keep my security deposit, I will attend a hearing to make sure that I receive the 450 dollars in security deposit that I have paid.
But the gentleman is still not returning my calls. I get his voice machine. So I phone it every fifteen minutes or so, and will continue to do so until I get confirmation one way or the other as to how this is going to procede.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
| Your Life: The Soundtrack | |
| Opening credits: | Secret Nation - Bung |
| Waking up: | City Full of Cowards - Lowest of the Low |
| Average day: | Gotta Decide - The Soviettes |
| First date: | I am the Man - Philosopher Kings |
| Falling in love: | Bring Me to Life - Evanesence |
| Love scene: | Closer - NiN |
| Fight scene: | Trip Like I do - Filter w/ the Crystal Method |
| Breaking up: | The Scientist - Cold Play |
| Getting back together: | Why Do You Love Me? - Garbage |
| Secret love: | Stand Inside Your Love - Smashing Pumpkins |
| Life's okay: | Bottle of Fur - Urge Overkill |
| Mental breakdown: | The Wretched - NiN |
| Driving: | War Pigs - Black Sabbath |
| Learning a lesson: | Everything - Fur Packed Action |
| Deep thought: | Bach Cell Suites - Yo-Yo Ma |
| Flashback: | Gotta Get Away - Stil Little Fingers |
| Partying: | Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana |
| Happy dance: | Extrordinary - Liz Phair |
| Regreting: | Bleed A Little While Tonight - Lowest of the Low |
| Long night alone: | Black - Pearl Jam |
| Death scene: | Take this Waltz - Leonard Cohen |
| Closing credits: | Bullet Find Me - Bung |
| Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d | |
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